Calibrate your sense of humor - rate:

1 

One day, e^x  sees  x²  running down the street in a panic. "What's wrong?" asks  e^x. "There's a Differential Operator in town!" yells  x². "If I run into him too many times, I'll disappear!"

"Don't worry," responds e^x . "I'll go have a chat with him. No, don't worry about me -- he can't hurt me."

So  e^x walks down the street to the Differential Operator. "My friend tells me you're a Differential Operator," e^x says pompously. "Well, I'm e^x."

"Pleased to meet you, e^x," says the Differential Operator. "I'm d/dt."

2  

 Two math professors are sitting at a bar, discussing the state of math education these days.

The first professor complains "No one learns any math beyond rudimentary algebra. I doubt anyone in this bar has a basic understanding of calculus, for instance." The other professor says, "I think you are way too hard on people. What a pessimistic view of life!"

Before they leave, the first professor goes to the bathroom. The remaining professor calls over the pretty blonde bartender and says "When I call you over next time and ask you a question, answer with x-cubed divided by 3" The bartender, a little confused, agrees to this.

When the first professor comes back from the bathroom, the optimistic professor says "You know what, I'll bet you 10 dollars that ordinary working girl knows high level math" The other professor agrees, and the first professor calls over the blonde bartender. He asks her "Excuse me, what is the integral of x-squared?" And the bartender answers "x-cubed divided by 3!"

However, as the professors leave, one handing the other the money, the bartender growls under her breath, "plus the constant of integration!"

3  

 There were 2 sisters - Mathematical and Logical.

One night, they were walking on a lonely road and discovered that a man was following them. Considering him to be a rapist:

Mathematical: Comparing the speed of ours and the man, he will catch us in 6 minutes.
Logical: Then we should do the logical thing, walk faster.

Consequently, the man also started walking faster.

M: Now he will catch us in 4 minutes.
L: Lets do the logical thing, split our ways, so at least one of us will be safe.

They split the ways and the man goes behind Logical, Mathematical reaches home safely. After sometime Logical also reaches safely.

M: Nice to see you safe, how did you escape?
L: After we split, the logical thing happened, the man caught me.
M: Whoa??? Then?
L: I did the logical thing, I pulled up my skirt.
M: Really? Then?
L: Then he did the logical thing, he pulled down his pants.
M: Wow! Then what?
L: Then the logical thing happened.
GIRL WITH SKIRT PULLED UP CAN RUN FASTER THAN A GUY WITH PANTS PULLED DOWN.

4  

One professor of mathematics noticed that his kitchen sink at his home broke down. He called a plumber. The plumber came on the next day, sealed a few screws and everything was working as before.

The professor was delighted. However, when the plumber gave him the bill a minute later, he was shocked.

"This is one third of my monthly salary!" he yelled.

Well, all the same he paid it and then the plumber said to him:

"I understand your position as a professor. Why don't you come to our company and apply for a plumber position? You will earn three times as much as a professor. But remember, when you apply, tell them that you completed only seven elementary classes. They don't like educated people."

So it happened. The professor got a plumber job and his life significantly improved. He just had to seal a screw or two occasionally, and his salary went up significantly.

One day, the board of the plumbing company decided that every plumber has to go to evening classes to complete the eight grade. So, our professor had to go there too. It just happened that the first class was math. The evening teacher, to check students' knowledge, asked for a formula for the area of the circle. The person asked was the professor. He jumped to the board, and then he realized that he had forgotten the formula. He started to reason it, he filled the white board with integrals, differentials and other advanced formulas to conclude the result he forgot. As a result he got "minus pi r squared".

He didn't like the minus, so he started all over again. He got the minus again. No matter how many times he tried, he always got a minus. He was frustrated. He looked a bit scared at the class and saw all the plumbers whisper:

"Switch the limits of the integral!"

5  

Our computer science professor was joking that our student cafeteria serves Fibonacci soup. The soup of today is the mix of yesterday's soup and the day before